The Freshmen
by manhattanProject
Summary: For the life of me, I cannot believe we'd ever die for these sins. We were merely freshmen. Alex/Mitchie one shot. Warning: character death


**A/N: I know I have like 3 chapters of ATE left but this has been sitting in my computer, unfinished, for way too long and it was bothering me. I don't think I like how it came out but I needed to finish it. So here it is. It may be confusing and I apologize for the quality. There is no POV and pretty much half the story is told through flashbacks. Flashbacks are in italics.**

**It's based off of the lyrics from the song The Freshmen by The Verve Pipe. If you don't know the song I suggest you listen to it because it's really good, and really sad.**

**I hope I pulled this off and it came out the way I wanted to.**

**Review and let me know what you think and how I did**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing okay**

* * *

Everyone already knows it. The sullen and blank looks on their faces scream volumes and it's deafening. Every student sitting in their designated seats looks at the ceiling, down at their desks, out the window…anywhere but their classmates' faces. They know they look the same. And there is a thickness in the air and a certain heaviness in their hearts. But no one says a word.

The morning announcements sound more ominous today. And they all wait for it. Because they know it's coming. There had been talk of it going around; some thought it to be just rumors. But no one is that cruel to make up something like this. But then again no one wants to believe what is so painfully true.

The general information is given out like always, a daily a routine. They all hold their breath in anticipation. The seconds tick away on the clock as the voice on the loudspeaker comes to a halt. A breath is inhaled and it is almost even heard. They're just waiting. And for what? Because everyone knows. But they sit, hanging on the edge of their seat for confirmation. And another voice begins to speak.

"I would like to take this time to ask for a moment of silence for Alexandra Russo, a student and active member of the community here, who passed away yesterday. On behalf of myself and the rest of the faculty and staff, our prayers are with her family, friends, and loved ones. May she rest in peace."

And the silence begins. Their faces are pained, morose, shocked, confused, and heartbroken. They all share the same expressions, the same feelings. Their heads hang. Their hands come together in a desperate attempt to make sense of this. Tear after tear falls from their eyes. And there is grief and anguish from everyone; people who knew her, people who have only heard of her, people who were close friends with her and loved her dearly. Everyone knew Alex Russo. Everyone feels the weight of her death. And each student in that classroom feels _something_, except for one.

Mitchie Torres sits in her seat, stoic and emotionless. More seconds pass by but the brown eyed brunette never forms any sort of reaction. Her eyes dart around the room at the sad faces of her peers. She knows she should look about the same. But she can't. She wonders when it will all come out though. She is a ticking time bomb; she can feel it. But the shock is too much. So she sits and waits.

"We are all deeply saddened by this tragic loss. And we-" The rest of the words fade out and Mitchie stares down at her desk, her mind reeling. Like most people, she knew Alex. And she _knew_ Alex. But after everything that has happened between them she regrets ever introducing herself and speaking a single word to her. And sitting here now, she wants nothing more than to go home and forget any of this ever happened. But she will never admit that her entire world had just fallen apart.

She can pinpoint the exact moment her eyes first caught the other brunette's in the hallway. Ninth grade, before lunch, next to her best friend's locker, Mitchie broke away from her conversation but didn't expect to see someone as beautiful as Alex. She also didn't expect to get so close to her. And she definitely didn't expect to possibly, unknowingly, ruin her life. But it's not possible. She didn't mean that much to her.

_The bell was only a few short minutes away from ringing. Mitchie leaned against a random locker as a boy with short black hair looked around the halls and another boy with curly brown hair tried to find his books._

"_The girls at this school all look the same. And they're not even attractive," the black haired boy mused out loud. "We haven't even been here that long and I'm already bored."_

"_You're talking as if any of them would even want you, Shane," Mitchie quipped with a roll of her eyes. "Face it; you couldn't get a girl no matter how hard you try."_

"_And you can?"_

"_Even the straight girls would pick me over you. And that's not even me trying to be conceited. You just suck."_

"_Guys, how many times are we going to go through this?" the curly haired boy asked, finally pulling his head from the depths of his locker._

"_Shut up, Nate," Shane told his brother before turning back to Mitchie. "Are you challenging me?"_

"_No?"_

"_I bet you anything I could get any girl in this place."_

"_That would be entertaining to watch."_

"_If you're so confident then let's see who a girl would rather be with." Mitchie shook her head and used her foot to push herself off the locker she was leaning against. She crossed her arms in front of Shane and looked him straight in the eye._

"_Do you really want to do this to yourself?"_

"_Should I take that as a yes?"_

"_Guys seriously, you're being ridiculous."_

"_Shut up, Nate," they both said in unison and the curly haired boy gave up on trying to talk to them._

"_Fine, yeah, whatever. You can even pick the girl since you're so high maintenance," Mitchie told the boy in front of her with a smirk on her lips._

"_Fine," he said before scanning the hallway once more. "Jesus, seriously, everyone here looks like…wait a minute."_

"_What?" She tried to follow his line of sight but failed._

"_That girl, two lockers next to the water fountain, I choose her. There is no way you could get her. I'll have her on her back in a month." She looked in the direction he described and her eyes fixed on a brunette girl standing next to a redhead. Her head turned and they looked at each other. Mitchie offered a smile and in response she got a blush. She lowered her head slightly but a smile eventually formed. And then she turned back to her friend._

"_You're on."_

At the time she didn't see it, something that made her different from everyone else. There was a quality about her; it was exciting, yet peaceful. And it intrigued Mitchie. And the way she would react to Mitchie's smiles and compliments gave her the confidence to go through with her little _arrangement_ with her friend. She was intrigued. But nothing more.

She walks through the halls now, not much going through her head. Everyone is far too morose to have a conversation with, or even look at. And Mitchie fights the urge to just leave the building altogether. The random teachers and students and friends offering her condolences and sympathy and the occasional _I'm sorry_ wear her out. What are they really even sorry for?

It was a bet. It wasn't meant to get out of hand. Mitchie finds her way to the outdoor benches of the cafeteria, empty as the day was only beginning. And she knows it won't be over any time soon. But she needs to be alone. She can't take everyone looking at her. Like they're judging her. Like they're accusing her. Like they _know_. They don't. They _can't_ know. It didn't mean anything.

But in the end, she chose her.

_Mitchie walked out of the school's back entrance, a certain brunette perched on the hood of her car in the parking lot. She tried to fight the smile sneaking its way onto her face, for the sake of her black haired comrade; she was a respectful person sometimes after all, right? But try as she might she hasn't felt so happy just by the presence of a single person._

"_Well don't look so smug, we get it, you won," Shane said and she almost forgot the curly haired boy trailing right behind them. He hardly said a word but then again she knew how he felt about the whole thing._

"_I don't know what you're talking about. You said you could get her; you clearly couldn't. But I got her. That's all I had to do."_

"_Then why are you still with her after a whole fucking year?" She had never heard of a more stupid question in her life._

"_Why wouldn't I be?"_

"_She taking this long to let you into her pants?" At his words she halted her short trip to her girlfriend who was patiently waiting for her. She stared at Shane with her eyebrow raised and a look that said 'what the hell is wrong with you'._

"_Are you insane? And would you shut the fuck up? She's literally right there." Surely she couldn't hear exactly what they were saying but she would probably be curious as to what was taking them so long to walk the short distance from the door to Mitchie's car._

"_Yeah, whatever, she's not paying attention. I'm just saying, how big of a prude is she?"_

"_Shane, just because a girl doesn't want to be with you doesn't mean she's a prude."_

"_Like you could get her in bed anyway…" he said in such a taunting manner it almost made Mitchie cringe. She rolled her eyes but she could sense what was coming next…and so could Nate._

"_No. No. Please stop before you guys make another stupid bet," he said but Shane and Mitchie were far too busy staring each other down._

"_Shut up Nate," Shane said expectedly but Mitchie didn't share the same opinion._

"_No he's right. This is stupid. Messing with a girl just to sleep with her? I went along with your bet the first time but this? No. What would you even get out of this anyway? She's _my_ girlfriend, not yours, in case you forgot. It's not like you could sleep with her if you tried."_

"_Maybe I could."_

"_Shane I swear to God if you even think about touching her I will tear your balls off and shove them down your throat."_

"_Scared I'll steal your girl?"_

"_You couldn't get her when she was single you dumb fuck." Mitchie was close to being fed up if she, by some miracle, wasn't already. It was one thing to just go out with a girl but to try and have sex with her just to claim victory was not only absurd but dangerous._

"_So that's a yes?" But the thought of Shane even trying to get anywhere near Alex again made her skin crawl._

"_Fine," she said through clenched teeth to which the black haired boy just beamed a bright smile. She shook her head, ignoring the constant words of protest coming from Nate behind her. She tried to rid these thoughts from her head and it seemed to be easier to do the second she locked eyes with the brunette sitting on her car. And she smiled at her when she finally reached her._

"_Hey babe what took you so long?" she asked as she lightly took a hold of the leather jacket Mitchie was wearing, pulling her in closer to kiss her. She connected their lips briefly and Mitchie smiled back._

"_Sorry, Shane wouldn't shut up about something."_

"_Is everything okay? You seemed a little mad back there." Her voice held genuine concern and Mitchie felt it tug at her heartstrings to remember what it was they were just talking about. She looked into her eyes and sighed._

"_Don't worry. Everything's alright."_

Words. They were just _words_. Not even words, it was just one. _Fine_. But she agreed to it. In the back of her mind Mitchie knew she only said that word to protect Alex. But she needed to be protected from more than just Shane, so much more. And Mitchie doesn't even care to find the right books from her locker as she stands in front of it.

Her mind is elsewhere. And as much as she doesn't want it to, her mind wanders back to Alex. Her girlfriend…her _ex_-girlfriend. She connects her forehead to the cool metal of her locker and it stays there as a groan passes her lips. But she doesn't cry. Her head is far too clouded to even think about crying. _Why_ can't she cry?

"Mitch." She hears a deep voice from her left. But it is the last voice she wants to hear.

"Just leave her alone, Shane." Another voice, a less annoying voice, sounds as well and she finally turns around.

"What?"

"So…you heard?"

"It was on the morning announcements; of course I heard. And don't talk to me."

"Hey, don't act like the victim here."

"I'm not!" she shouts louder than she had intended. "The only victim here is the girl that is going to be buried tomorrow at St. Mary's Cemetery at one. Don't even talk."

"This isn't my fault, Mitch."

"Well it isn't mine either." She is stubborn and she knows it. Why should she feel any guilt though? She didn't ask for any of this to happen.

"Well it-"

"Shut up! Both of you just shut up!" the youngest Gray brother yells at his two friends. His outburst shouldn't be a surprise but it was. "God! Do you guys even hear yourselves anymore! I told you to just leave Alex alone because you're both being so fucking stupid! How could you have possibly thought nothing bad would happen!"

"Nate, lower your goddamn voice," his brother warns but he is only answered with a cold, hateful glare.

"You are the most irresponsible fucking person on the planet; you're not even allowed to speak right now."

"It was an accident! It was for the best. We were so young; what else were we supposed to do?"

"Don't act like you gave a shit about her or what would have happened to her, Shane," Mitchie snaps but they are all past rational thinking. Anger and hostility has been building up since the first year of high school and now they are just letting it all out.

"What are you talking about? You left her!"

"You left her too!"

"Enough!" Nate yells once again. "Stop pointing fingers when you're both at fault!"

"No we're not!" they both retort angrily.

"Fuck this, I have class now," Shane says before taking off in another direction leaving Mitchie with his younger brother.

"Mitchie," he says to get her attention when he realizes she isn't looking at him anymore. "You care about her. Stop acting like this isn't a big deal to you."

"What was I supposed to do, Nate? I didn't ask for her to do any of this."

"You know why you went out with her and you know why you agreed to any of those stupid fucking bets in the first place."

"I didn't even know her!"

"It doesn't matter! You got to know her and you cared about her…too much to let my idiot brother go anywhere near her."

"A lot of good that did any of us…" she mutters under her breath.

"You know you loved her just as much as she loved you."

"No I didn't. And it's not my fault that I didn't feel the same way." She slams her locker shut and storms off, hearing her curly haired friend shouting behind her.

"Mitchie!" But she continues to ignore him like she always had. Maybe she shouldn't have back then. Maybe if she didn't she wouldn't be in this situation right now. The halls are nearly empty but she has nowhere to go. Class seems like a hassle to even go to at this point and there isn't really anyone Mitchie would want to go talk to. So she leaves.

And she doesn't just leave, she _runs_. She pushes open the double doors to get out of the building and runs straight to her car. But she doesn't turn on the ignition. She grips the steering wheel and shakes it as if she were trying to rip it off. She screams at the top of her lungs. She hits the wheel repeatedly. But she doesn't cry.

This isn't her fault, she keeps telling herself. She tried; she was the only one who tried. Why should she feel guilty? Why is there such a deep aching pain burning at her chest? Why does she want to pry her eyes open and wake up in her bed? Why does she wish all of this, all of her years in high school, was a horrible nightmare that never really happened?

They were young. They were stupid. She shouldn't have turned her back on her when she did but what else could she do. She was hurting her regardless. But she should have protected her like she knew she was trying to; protect her from Shane, protect her from her, protect her from herself. But she let her go.

_Her hands trailed down the brunette's back, raking her fingernails over her shoulders and spine. Their lips never parted. They moved faster against each other, eliciting a moan from both girls. Mitchie was the first to pull back. She looked at her girlfriend's flushed face, her hot skin turning a light shade of red._

_Alex boldly moved forward and attached her lips to Mitchie's neck. Her own hands gripped the hem of the v-neck shirt and tugged at it until it was finally removed and tossed aside. Mitchie, too lost in the pleasure, didn't even process her clothes being removed, or the fact that the girl in front of her was now also only in her bra and underwear. Had she done that?_

_Her head was clouded, her eyes were practically hazy. The sight before her was beautiful but something inside of her told her that this was wrong. She wrapped her arms around the taller brunette's waist and held her close. She brought their lips back together in a searing kiss. It slowed to passionate pace until Alex broke them apart._

"_I love you." The words came out before either of their brains could process them. But she knew in her heart she meant it. She has been in a relationship with Mitchie for a little over a year but neither of them had said those three words yet. And all Mitchie could do was stare at her._

"_What?" she managed to lamely blurt out. She blinked twice._

"_I said…I love you Mitchie," she repeated. She sounded sure, absolutely sure. And Mitchie wondered how on Earth anyone could sound so sure of anything._

"_I…" she trailed off, not knowing how to respond. This was her chance. They were sitting on Alex's bed, half naked, and she just found out that her girlfriend was in fact in love with her. She won. She once again holds victory over Shane. All she has to do is say those three words back to her and it's a done deal. "I can't do this." But she choked._

"_What do you mean?" She could hear her heart breaking inside of her…perhaps both of them. "Can't do what?"_

"_I'm sorry Alex."And she left. Just like that. She gathered her clothes, not paying attention to a single thing the girl was saying, put them on, and left. She couldn't do this to her anymore. She had been hurting her from the start. But she couldn't do this to her. She couldn't take something like this from her._

_The next few days she wanted to say something to the girl. She wanted to work things out. She wanted to at least be friends because she for some reason couldn't handle the thought of her not being in her life. She knew it was over though. She had to end it. She would be better off without her anyway._

"_Word on the street is you and Russo are done," Shane announced to her as she picked at her lunch tray the following Monday._

"_How could you have possibly heard that? It happened like two days ago and I sure as hell didn't plan on telling you."_

"_Everyone's talking about it. So what happened? And more importantly did you or did you not fuck her before it ended? Did you hit it and quit it or what?" Why did it sound like he was _proud _of her? It made her sick._

"_No." She wished she could leave it at that. But she knew just how persistent the black haired boy could be. But it was none of his business. "I tried but she didn't want to, okay?"_

"_I knew it! I knew you couldn't do it."_

"_And you could?" she said, sounding more bored than ever._

"_Of course, just you wait and see."_

At the time she should have stopped everything. She should have stopped everything years ago but she didn't. And looking back now she cannot for the life of her remember why she was so stupid to begin with. They were all stupid. They were just kids. They didn't know what they were getting into.

Mitchie shifts uncomfortably in the wooden pews. Everything about the room is uncomfortable. The atmosphere is never happy during funerals. Everyone's face is miserable. She has the perfect view of a red headed girl sobbing her eyes out. Harper was Alex's best friend since they were in kindergarten. Although she hadn't known the girl much, she knows much about her.

She was a fun spirited girl, that Harper. She loved to laugh and tried to see the brighter side of every situation. But there is no bright side to this. There is no light in her eyes. The tears streaming down her face held nothing but pain and confusion. _Why did this happen? Why didn't I know anything about this?_ That probably hurt the worst. Not knowing.

Mitchie tries to listen intently to the priest, someone who only knew Alex from when she used to attend church with her family until she was ten. But her focus is on Harper. Here she is sitting with all of this…knowledge…in her head. And Harper knows nothing. But she doesn't _want_ to know all the things she knew. She just happened to be there when Alex needed someone, _anyone_.

_It was nearing sunset. The sun was fading as Mitchie tugged the leash in her hand to keep her yellow lab from running too far. The dog halted and trotted back to her leg and sat obediently, wondering why she stopped in the first place. Mitchie stared straight ahead. About a few yards away, sitting on one of the many park benches, was her ex-girlfriend._

_She had her legs up and was hugging her knees close to her chest. Her hair flowed freely down her back as the wind blew it around her face every now and then. She wore a hoodie, dark blue skinny jeans and her black and white checkered Vans. Mitchie had always liked those sneakers on her. She brought a hand to wipe the side of her cheek. She was crying._

_Mitchie had managed to remain friends with her post break up. They weren't as close as they were when they were dating but she was still worried upon seeing the girl in tears. She tugged the leash once more, this time urging her dog to follow her forward. And she walked up to the bench Alex was sitting on and put a gentle hand on her shoulder. She looked up at the girl she used to date and more tears fell from her eyes._

"_Mitchie?"_

"_Hey, Alex what's wrong?"_

"_It's nothing, honest."_

"_C'mon Lex, I know you. And the fact that you're crying is a dead giveaway," she said but Alex's tears only came down harder. "What happened?"_

"_Nothing…just…do you know where Shane is?" Shane? Why the fuck would she even care to know his whereabouts? Come to think of it…she didn't even know where the arrogant boy was. She hasn't seen him in a while._

"_I think he went upstate with his friends or something. Why?" Her shoulders shook as she continued to cry and Mitchie instinctively put her arm around her. She never liked seeing any girl upset, no matter who she was or what history they had._

"_I don't know what to do Mitchie. I thought if I went through with it then everything would be okay. I should have known he didn't really care."_

"_Who? Shane?" She nodded her head weakly against her shoulder. "What did he do?" Her tone was a lot more serious. She was trying not to jump to conclusions but she just knew how much of an absolute dick her friend could be._

"_It was just one time. We weren't really thinking straight. We were drunk and stupid and-"_

"_Alex…"_

"_I didn't mean for any of this to happen. And now I can't take it back." She didn't have to ask. She knew._

"_Hey it's okay. You made a mistake. It happens." She was fuming. She wanted to find her friend and drown him._

"_I made more than a mistake Mitchie," she whispered, her voice broken._

"_What do you mean?"_

"_Please don't be mad at me. I really need you right now."_

"_I promise I won't be mad." She held her breath as she waited for any sort of a response._

"_I…I had the appointment last week…and I went through with it like we had planned. But I went alone…and I haven't heard from him in a really long time." She looked down and Alex cradled her stomach with the arm that wasn't clinging to Mitchie for dear life. "And now I just feel so alone. I can't even look at myself without remembering what I had done. And I can't take it. I don't know what to do." She let out another sob and all Mitchie could do was sit there and hold her as she cried._

_Neither of them said anything else. They sat on the bench all night. Mitchie had Alex in her arms while still keeping a firm grasp on the leash in her hand. Her dog had fallen asleep on its stomach in the grass near Mitchie's feet. And she wondered if Alex had fallen asleep too. But she would stay anyway. She would stay with her until she was ready to finally get off of that bench. She didn't think she would ever be ready._

The priest walks away from the podium and her father steps up to speak. Mitchie tunes him out. She can't bear to hear from a man whose daughter took her own life. She can't imagine how he feels and she doesn't want to. So she thinks about anything else, anything at all.

She thinks about the days, _months_, that followed that night in the park. Alex had fallen into a deep depression. It was obvious, maybe not to everyone…or anyone at all. But it was to her. She thinks about how much time they spent together after her so called best friend had abandoned the girl. She thinks about how she abandoned her as well.

This wasn't supposed to happen. She wasn't supposed to meet her. She wasn't supposed to date her. Alex wasn't supposed to fall in love with her. She wasn't supposed to go through any of this. She wasn't supposed to be sitting here in a church while other people talk about a girl that she will never get a chance to see again.

Mitchie doesn't know what part of the funeral they are at. She keeps looking at Harper. Why didn't Alex just go to her? She would have known what to do. She didn't know. She still doesn't. She was scared. That's one thing she can admit. Alex loved her. And that terrified her.

What could Mitchie possibly know about love? She was only a teenager. And when she made that bet with Shane they were just stupid freshmen. How were they supposed to know it would lead to this? How were they supposed to know they would be sitting at a funeral two years later? They didn't.

Mitchie doesn't know how long she can keep telling herself that this isn't their faults. When the guilt is sitting right there how can she keep ignoring it? But she didn't know Alex would need her as much as she did. How can she possibly mean so much to the girl? How can she mean so much to anyone? After everything she's done.

The funeral continues until it's time for everyone to follow a hearse to the cemetery. Mitchie is on autopilot and says and does absolutely nothing the whole way there. She can't say anything. She knows she should. She should give her condolences to the Russo family. She should say some sort of comforting words to Harper. But she can't face them.

"You okay? You haven't said anything all day." Nate is quiet. There is no need to be. Everyone had already left the site. She is alone. She stands near the large mound of dirt in front of the stone with Alex's name engraved onto it.

"I can't believe she's gone." Her words cut through the air like a knife.

"I'm sorry for yelling at you."

"It's fine. I deserved it."

"Have you spoken to Shane at all?"

"No. And I don't plan to."

"You know…you're allowed to miss her. I know you do."

"Nate, no offense but I really don't want to talk about it."

"Mitch, no offense, but you have _never_ talked about it. You and Shane never even discussed how completely fucked up this whole thing was. You just kept treating Alex like a fucking pawn. You guys used her."

"I never used her! If using her means keeping her away from Shane or any other person who will hurt her and leave her like she was nothing then yeah, I used her. Yes okay, I cared about her. I still do. She's gone and I still care about her. But she's _gone_, Nate."

"I know she's gone."

"I should have tried harder."

"What do you mean?"

"I wish I loved her. I care about her. I really do. When we were together I didn't even think about Shane or any of the stupid shit we bet on. All I had to do was prove that I could get her and he couldn't. I stayed with her as long as I did because I wanted to not because of a dumb fucking bet. I had fun with her. She was nice, sweet, funny, and there was just something about her. She was such a good friend…and I let her down." It was quiet. The only thing they could hear is the leaves crunching under their shoes whenever they would shift from foot to foot.

"You never tried to sleep with her…did you?"

"She said she was in love with me. And I didn't think she deserved to be with someone who couldn't love her back."

"But you guys were still friends after you broke up."

"I know. Ironically enough I just couldn't leave her." Her heart sinks at her own words._ She didn't want to leave her._

"Then what happened?" What happened? She wished there was a single day where she didn't ask herself that very question.

"I should have tried harder."

* * *

The wind is stronger today than the last time Mitchie stood in front of the God forsaken stone. She pulls at her jacket sleeves, remembering how Alex used to tug at them when she would want her to kiss her. She pulls her zipper up all the way and reaches her hand out carefully, almost as if she is afraid of breaking it. She touches the stone, feeling the engraving under her fingertips.

She traces Alex's full name under her thumb. The dates written below it don't have enough time between them. Her time was too short. She should still be here. Mitchie sits on the ground; there's finally grass growing. She crosses her legs in front of the stone and thinks back to the day she broke up with Alex. Why had she broken up with her?

Sure Alex loved her and she didn't feel the same. But her fear drove her away. She made a mistake. Shane made a mistake. Alex made a mistake. When it comes down to it they were all scared. And none of them knew what they were doing. And why should they? They were just freshmen at the time, when all of this had started.

The last few weeks of her life Alex had reassured Mitchie time and time again that she was fine. Her words were as hollow as her eyes. She should have seen past it all. And now Mitchie sits with nothing but memories and regret. And the guilt, oh _God_ that guilt. The pain in her chest builds and builds. She can't see. Her eyes blur over. Her hands grip her hair.

"I'm sorry." The first words she utters are almost unrecognizable through the loud sob that racks her entire body. The first tear she has shed falls to her lap, staining her jeans. And they never stop. "I'm so sorry Alex." She feels her chest convulse as she attempts to take in deep breaths. Nothing works. She cries. She trembles in her seat.

Two lives were lost. One couldn't hold on and one never had a chance. Mitchie knew she wasn't the only one who felt guilt. Alex felt it too. And it's what drove her to her grave. She wondered if Shane felt guilty. She had heard from Nate that he wasn't holding up too well since the funeral. Apparently it had gotten to him too. But it didn't matter. All he was doing was trying to prove he was right. Now nothing mattered. Why should it?

"I wish I loved you, Alex. I wish I never met you. I wish our relationship lasted longer. I wish you went to another school. I wish you confided in Harper instead of me. I wish you told her. I wish she knew. I wish she knew why her best friend is gone. I wish you'd call me and ask me to hang out again. I miss hanging out with you."

There had been rumors about how it happened. Mitchie knows the truth though. Harper had told her one day. She knows how much the girl meant to Alex. Overdose. Her mother had pills, valiums. She took about fourteen and washed it down with cough syrup. And now here she is; six feet underneath a broken brunette who cannot seem to catch her breath long enough to stop crying.

Her words mean nothing anymore. She says them because she has held them in for too long. And as her tears relentlessly slide down her cheeks she knows that no matter how late she is it needs to be said. She was stupid. They all were. They didn't think it would come to this. But it did.

"I didn't mean to hurt you. I know you weren't fine. You wanted me to see that and I didn't. I should have tried harder. Maybe if I did _we_ could have tried harder." She lets out a final sob and pushes her hair out of her face. "I wish you never loved me." Her cheeks are as red as her eyes. She stands from the ground and wipes the grass off of her jeans. She takes one last look at her friend. "I miss you, Alex." She kisses the palm of her hand and presses it to the cold stone, right over her name. "I really think I could have loved you one day."

* * *

**Well I hope you liked it. I know it's not a happy ending but I wanted to see if I could write something new, a tragedy that stayed that way from start to finish. I hope it was enjoyable to read regardless. Thanks for reading, again, let me know what you think.**


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